"Does this mean you think we need help with our sex life?" I asked defensively. My partner Ron had just invited me to bare my soul-and heaven knows what else-at a sort of sex-meets-spirituality workshop.

"No, I love our sex life. I'm just curious about Tantra," he said. The reason for this restless desire had been lingering on our bedside table, heavily underlined, for years. "Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving" (Mercury House, $12.95) had enthused Ron with its descriptions of an ancient style of lovemaking that has helped centuries of people join spiritual and sexual energy. Authors Charles and Caroline Muir talked about the importance of "bringing together the consciousness of your mind, the love of your heart, and the passion of your spirituality." It was time to meet the Muirs in the flesh, Ron said. Just as long as there's not too much flesh, I replied.

I was nervous as I walked into the conference center where the sex workshop was to take place. Seventy people, ages 20 through 60, were already waiting. Some wore serious suits, others T-shirts and jeans. My throat felt dry and my palms damp. Sex was not something I talked about with strangers.

Charles and Caroline Muir, however, looked reassuringly vibrant and easygoing, like they might prefer organic carrot juice for breakfast, yet not turn away from a chocolate cake. Charles has taught Tantra for 20 years, alongside Caroline for the last dozen. Considered the foremost Western authorities on this subject, they have traveled the world sharing their techniques. Their book is translated into seven languages.

Charles immediately allayed some of my earlier misgivings. "Tantra doesn't take away from your current sex life, it makes for a less limited menu. In ancient India, sex was the most noble of the sixty-four art forms that everyone needed to learn." I was mulling over this novel idea, when Charles said, "Later, we'll be doing some more interactive exercises." I whispered to Ron, "If these involve unfastening even one button, I'm never speaking to you again."

Most of us have little training in matters of sexuality. Our sexual "mindset" is often left over from our childhood. I had a date in high school who must have studied under Charles' first sexual mentor, street-gang leader Johnny Patinella. "You get it up; you get it in; you get it off," was Johnny's mantra. Charles was in his thirties before he figured out, "Hey, the woman should be enjoying this, too." This radical new thought-What? She didn't love the way he twisted her nipples like car-radio dials-led Charles into the study of the ancient of Tantra.

I also identified with Caroline, brought up to be a "nice" girl, not to do it-or ask for it in her manner or dress-until she was married. Caroline, too, began exploring her sexuality in her thirties. When she came across tantra's notion of a woman's limitless sexual energy, she was fascinated. "Tantric practice gives you a chance to see who you really are and to separate your sexuality from old messages, " she explained.

We learn to master tennis, cooking, and a new software program. So it should seem natural to practice the art of being a conscious lover. "When you are confident about your lovemaking skills, you feel confidence in other areas of life as well," said Charles.

I was not feeling confident when Charles asked the women to select a partner for the first exercise. I sat down across from the nearest guy and lowered my eyes. Then Charles asked us to think of early messages we had received about sex. After four minutes, we shared what we remembered.

I looked away as I described an aunt telling me sex was like inserting a tampon. When I glanced up, this man was looking at me with understanding. "I was told if I masturbated too much, I'd use up all my sperm. And I was told that women didn't like sex, that men had to be tricky to get them to do it," he said. For a moment, I felt oddly connected to this stranger. Charles encouraged us to notice how our messages still influence us today.

The women chose a new partner. "What are you afraid I'll see?" I asked the tall, well-muscled man sitting opposite me. He was to answer the first thing that came into his mind. "How scared I am," he said. "What are you afraid I'll see?" I asked again. "My vulnerability," he said. My heart melted as I felt the honesty of his answers. Here was a person I had labeled fearless. Here was a person as tender and uncertain as I was.

It was afternoon and we were starting to wilt. Charles asked the women to select a male partner for a quick energizer. "This is a great way to connect after a stressful day," he said. I was starting to get into the exercises and quickly picked out Greg. I laid on my stomach while tapped his fingers along my back. It felt comforting and tingling. I felt renewed and uplifted when my four minutes were over. "You're removing tension, increasing energy, and preparing partners for a deeper sexual connection," explained Charles.

Late on the first night, Caroline started talking about the PC muscle. A politically correct muscle? Anyway, I figured, if it was a muscle, I probably didn't have it. Then I learned that the PC (pubococcygeus), or "sex muscle," can get flabby. It is the primary muscle that contracts and expands during orgasm. It runs through the genitals and connects the tailbone with the pubic bone. "Without toning, the PC can lose its resiliency," Caroline warned. For women, a toned PC means more lubrication and a longer, stronger orgasm; for men, a firmer erection and more lovemaking time before ejaculation.

"Now let's try it." A strange hush came over the room and everyone's expression became grave and concentrated. I had to wrinkle my forehead. I looked at Ron, but his forehead was smooth. "When you learn to use your muscle, it's an exquisite sensation for the man. If he loses an erection, you can squeeze your PC and pump him right back up," Caroline told the woman, "It's fun to squeeze and pulse to your favorite love song," said Charles.

The PC can also stop the flow of urine. So Caroline advises us to practice in the privy. At break time, the line for the bathroom took longer than usual. No one was willing to go with the flow without testing her PC.

Now the time had come to focus on the holy grail of our sexual quest: the G-spot. Ron and I had tried to find this sacred spot one rainy night and nothing much had happened. I assumed I didn't have one-until Caroline explained that every woman is blessed with a G-spot, in the upper wall of the vagina, only stimulating it was a process. "Sacred-spot work takes patience and understanding," said Caroline. "It doesn't necessarily lead to instant ecstasy," Charles cautioned.

Charles took the men for special instructions and the women went with Caroline. After we settled into a cozy circle, Caroline explained that the sacred spot is often a repository for emotions. "So you may cry or feel some fear when being stimulated. But with practice, you can unleash deep pleasure from this spot."

Tentatively, women began talking: "What if you don't have vaginal orgasms? What if you've had surgery? What if bad memories come up?" As women shared their stories, I felt a deep connectedness. What a relief to share sexual concerns and fears so openly.

"Tantra has transformed my sex life," Caroline said, as we closed. I could see a glow about her and sensed she was a woman who reveled in her sexuality. "I never knew how much pleasure I was capable of having. Now, each time, I think, oh, this is the best. The next time, the experience is even better.

Back in the motel room where we were staying, Ron asked me to wait in the bathroom. I sat on the lidded toilet, wondering what was going to happen. "Close your eyes," he said, leading me into the bedroom. When I opened them, I saw flowers and candles and heard soft music. Ron had transformed the drab room into a pleasure palace.

He led me to the bed and touched me, lightly, unhurriedly, looking at me with love the whole time. I felt like a child who was the center of the universe. The physical sensations were thrilling and having Ron's undivided attention was wonderful. "Tonight, you are the receiver," he informed me. Ah, I received touch and massage and kissing. Then Ron asked me if he could touch my sacred spot. I spread my legs, feeling nervous. Soon I felt intense emotion. I cried, not knowing why sobbing suddenly engulfed me. Then I surrendered to the crashing waves of pleasure that swept through me. I smiled into my lover's eyes and let myself sink into my sexuality.

The next morning, the workshop had an atmosphere of quiet blissfulness. Couples were sitting closer, touching more. In the big circle, we talked like we had known each other forever, sharing our experiences of the night before. After eight more hours of exercises and rich information, it was time to go.

Take at least ten minutes every day to connect with each other in some way," Charles advises. "It can be breathing, touching, just anything, to keep the Tantra energy alive." I looked at Ron. Ten minutes didn't seem like much, but I knew it would hard to remain so conscious once our "real lives" started again. I also knew there were a lot of Tantra tools I could gradually bring into my life. After all, I was a creature of limitless sexual energy. And I was looking forward to exploring the possibilities.

The Tools of Tantra

TUNE IN WITH SPOONS: "You don't have to wait for that magical moment when you are both in the mood," says Charles. Create the mood by getting in the spoon position, lying down, one holding the other from behind. Be still and synchronize your breathing. This puts you in tune with your partner.

HITTING THE SACRED SPOT: The G-spot, named after Ernst Grafenburg, M.D., is in the upper wall of the vagina. You can touch it through the vaginal wall, about halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix. It's a small lump that swells as it is stimulated. You may feel like you have to urinate when the spot is first touched, but don't stop. It gets better and better.

TAKE TIME OUT: Here's a pause that expresses: When you're making love, stop moving for two minutes. Synchronize your breathing. Then hold your partner and look intently at each other. Imagine you are sending your energy back and forth. This exercise creates an even greater energy level and allows your lovemaking to be more emotional and less goal-oriented.

EXTEND THE ORGASM: Here's how to elongate the orgasm through breathing. Halfway into the peak of your climax, inhale slowly. Imagine you are sending your vibrant sexual energy to the brain. The feeling of climax continues as you inhale. Then, slowly release your breath, making as much sound as possible. The volume of your sound influences the depth of your orgasm.

KEEPING ABREAST: "The breasts need to be touched, without being just a prelude to sex," believes Caroline. Heat up some scented lotion in the microwave or in your hands. Make gentle circles in the center of his chest. Ask your partner to touch his own breasts. Put your hands over his and learn how he wants to be touched. Have him do the same for you. Show him exactly how you love to be touched.

TOUCH UP YOUR TOUCH: Take five minutes each day to consciously touch your partner. Try to include these types of touch, varying the speed and intensity: nonmoving, stroking, circling, kneading, and gentle pinching, scratching, and tapping. Bring love, nurturing, and compassion into your touch.