Can You Receive Touch without Giving? Can you soak and revel in a kiss?

We are all familiar with alternate giving when it involves foot rubs, massage and oral sex of a partner. But, who ruled that we always have to each be kissing each other at the same time?

My intimate partner and I choose to incorporate alternate kissing into our Tantric play. Imagine your lover gently, slowly, sweetly kissing your heart, neck, face and mouth while you just soak in the sensation and love energy of the moment. Can you be with the exquisite sensations and just be still?

It is a wonderful discipline (blissipline) to practice stillness as you simply allow yourself to be pleasured in love, showered in love, covered in love. Can you grant your lover the joy of devotional service? In the words of the prophet Bob Marley – “can you be love?”

At times I communicate enjoyment with sound or movement and at times I return to stillness and focus completely on what is happening right now. I know that it’s often a reflex to kiss lips that are kissing our own. I offer the suggestion to simply allow the sensation and the gifting of being kissed without returning kisses. How much love and affection can you take in? Notice if you get impatient or feel a need to give back. Without judging your response, can you allow a shift into greater peace and just be?

We also sometimes exchange breath without an actual kiss. While in intimate communion and stillness and holding our lips together my lover breathes in my out breath and I then breathe in her out breath. This is deeply intimate and bonding. Neither “takes” the breath from the other, but lets the breath/prana be freely given. For me it is a way to deeply connect with the life force and gifting and to be “in sync” with my partner.

Another fun and deepening exercise is to receive more actively. What I mean is that one partner can formally be the receiver while actively communicating what he/she likes and what he/she wants differently about the touch. This can encompass the entire body or just an area like the limbs or feet or genitals. I find it helpful to use positive statements with the feedback as much as possible. Such as: “the pressure of the pads of your fingers pressing that muscle right there is nice AND would you slow the speed of you hands for me. Oh just right, thanks”. Notice the “and” in that statement. “And” is a much gentler word than “but” in this setting.

I encourage you to practice feeling into just how well you can let love enter your heart. Notice what it is to go deeper into your ability to receive.
The author, Corey, is a Certified Tantra Educator and Intimacy Coach. He teaches workshops and offers private coaching sessions in person and by phone. Subscribe to his blogs at www.tantracore.wordpress.com and www.corerelationship.com – Resources for creating a conscious intimate life and embracing emotional and sexual intimacy.

coreyfolsom@gmail.com ♥ 619.609.3882

“This is a terrific video. The authenticity of the people and the bold beauty of your sharing is worthy of the deepest and highest honors. This movie is very rare as it speaks and shows the truth of sacred loving. Your presentation is remarkably beautiful and pure. The visionary artwork and the music that you selected are no less than perfect. Even the credits are fantastic! I actually watched them 3 times! Nice job from top to bottom, left to right, and through and through. I bow to you, and to all who helped in its creation and vision. Thank you for this honest and beautiful contribution to the upliftment of humankind.” – T.L.

“The Muirs are leaders for a generation that desires a new form of relationship” – Whole Life Times

Secrets of Female Sexual Ecstasy DVD -  Normally $39.95 -  Yours for $29.95!  Buy Now

Educational, Erotic, and Visually Stunning!

This educational, erotic, and exceptionally-beautiful DVD from Charles and Caroline Muir will show you ways to more intimacy, passion, and emotional connection than you can now imagine. Explicit, yet not X-rated, sexual loving is depicted with an innocence, beauty, and wisdom that transforms sex into a new art form for the 21st century, with clear instructions to awaken and release unlimited orgasmic energy. You will banish boredom from your bedroom and significantly increase your lovemaking skills. 1 DVD (90 minutes)

In this DVD you will learn:

• Secrets of Erotic Kissing and Touch
• Facts about Male Ejaculatory Choice, a Key to Creating Maximum Lovemaking Health, Creativity, and Power
• Detailed Instructions for Female Sacred Spot (G-Spot) Massage
• Female Ejaculation – The Truth about Amrita, the Divine Nectar

Our culture has been slow to recognize that physical intimacy is an important part of wellbeing – whereas for example Taoist physicians have long recognized that sexual activity contributes to maintaining physical health.  Meanwhile, the culture implies that lovemaking should be a couple’s pinnacle experience, yet nowhere are we taught how to reach such heights. Most of us are embarrassed to admit our lack of sexual knowledge, and have been so shamed about exploring our own bodies that we are unable to give our partner instruction even if asked.

Behind closed doors, many couples from all age groups and life situations are struggling with issues around sexuality: young adults just entering into their sexual lives and wanting to learn how to do so in a healthy way; couples losing their intimate connection due to focus on child-rearing or careers; couples dissatisfied with repetitive sexual routines; partners having difficulty communicating about sexual preferences; individuals sidetracked into porn yet wanting to bring increased pleasure into sex with their partner; men ejaculating more rapidly than they wish; heart attack and breast or prostate cancer survivors with a tenuous new relationship to their bodies and sexual selves; Baby Boomers and older generations who are completely unprepared for the natural age-related changes in sexual functioning.

It is time to openly acknowledge that physical intimacy is a legitimate and important component of wellbeing at all ages, and deserves as much focus as other components when learning how to stay healthy and happy. We need only to be courageous enough to talk about this to realize how many others share similar concerns.

The largest segment of our population (the 121 million Baby Boomers and older) may now have empty nests and ample time, but many also have bodies that no longer function as they used to (e.g. lower desire and erection difficulties for men; inadequate lubrication and lower desire for women). Many have chronic illnesses that interfere with their familiar patterns of physical intimacy and don’t know other possibilities for intimacy and pleasure still available to them. When erectile difficulties catch a couple by surprise, too often they retreat into shame and even avoid physical affection, fearing it will lead to another embarrassing unsuccessful sexual attempt.  Partners end up emotionally distanced, not knowing how to find their way back to intimacy. They associate “sex” only with sexual intercourse, not realizing that the arena of sensual/sexual pleasure is much broader, and that great intimacy and pleasure is still available irrespective of functioning capabilities.

Each year brings 1,900,000 more heart attacks and breast or prostrate cancers. Many survivors feel different about their bodies and don’t know how to re-enter sexuality addressing who they are now. Their partners are equally concerned about how to resume sexual activity respectfully (e.g. post-mastectomy) and safely (e.g. post-heart attack).  These couples have difficulty finding their way back to a sensual/sexual connection which honors the illness-related changes.

Consulting a sex-positive physician can be critical to determine whether one is taking medication that interferes with sexual desire or performance (e.g. some anti-hypertensives; some anti-depressants) and if it can be switched to a different medication without sexual side effects. No matter what the functioning capabilities are, an experienced therapist specializing in sexuality, a certified tantric educator, or a program like “RESET: Rediscovering Sexuality Together”, www.reset-program.com,  can help couples of all ages rediscover intimacy and pleasure, often beyond what was experienced previously.  Endless intimacy and pleasure is truly available at all ages.  It is time to bring sexuality into the open and directly address concerns in this arena.  It is a joyous, natural part of healthy living.

 Shavana Fineberg, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist specializing in Intimacy and Sexuality

Certified Tantric Educator, 14 years with Source School of Tantra

Consultations and short-term couples program – RESET: Rediscovering Sexuality Together

In Southern and Central Oregon, Kaui, and by Skype

Insurance Welcomed

     By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator ♥

by Rob Sidon ♥

One of the originators of the modern tantra movement, Charles Muir, who founded Source Tantra School nearly 35 years ago, is said to be the most prolific trainer in the field.

Prior to the tantric path, Charles, a native of the Bronx, taught hatha yoga in New York City in the 1960s through the mid-1970s under the auspices of television yogi Richard Hittleman and swamis Satchidananda, Madhvananda, and Vishnudevananda, among others. Penniless and celibate, he longed to move to California, but could not afford the trip. His prayers for a cash infusion were answered when an investment of pocket change yielded the New York State lottery’s grand prize—and with it, his ticket west. Thereafter, he met his wife and business partner, Caroline. Although they divorced in 2002, she remains a close, loving friend and a senior teacher at the school.

Leah Alchin originally hails from Michigan and began studying tantra in 1997. Leah is an advanced educator and vice president of the school. Over 30 years his junior, she and Charles live together in Boulder Creek as beloved partners.

Common Ground: You’re a lucky man, Charles, having won the lottery in many aspects of your life. I’ve never met anyone who won a state lottery.

Charles Muir: Three weeks before winning the grand prize, I was in Big Sur on my first trip to California. I had my first understanding of God as the Mother and cried in prayer to the beauty of nature, “Mother, bring me back here.”

Women have been my primary teachers, and my path unfolded with the perfect woman to teach me and help me do my work. I’ll never forget my first tantra woman coming to one of my hatha yoga seminars in Mexico and telling me she wanted to share her tantra with me. I gave my standard reply, which had always worked, “Thank you so much for your offer, but I don’t sleep with my students.” She replied, “I am not your student, I am your teacher. And this is not about sleeping, it’s about awakening.” I held out for six days but then the experience we had together changed my path; that was kind of a lottery too.

CG: In your early life, you were on a classic celibate yogic path. Who were your primary influences?

CM: From 1965 my yoga teachers all expounded celibacy as the only way to deal with our sexual energy. They all explained that sexual energy was the fuel for spiritual advancement and enlightenment. Conserve it, sublimate it, ignore it, transmute it, transform it. As a young man I had a hard time with this and felt that I was failing my gurus. But so many were later busted for having sexual relationships with their female clients. Almost all of the schools of yoga and Vedanta recommend Brahmacharya (celibacy), which seems to work in an ashram, cave, or forest away from women. Tantra was a path for living in the everyday world.

CG: Tantra is often misunderstood. What’s your description?

CM: Most teachers use approximately the same translations of the two Sanskrit syllables that make up the word: tan means “expansive” and tra means “weaving.” It is their understanding that differs. You must also understand that there is tantra and there is tantra yoga, which is what I teach. I would define that as an expansive weaving of energy, love, and consciousness that yields yoga (union or oneness).

CG: What do you say to detractors who suggest that tantra is just a spiritual pretext for good old-fashioned lust?

CM: The people who take our course discover that our presentation of tantra yoga is equally about love and sex. Lust is an energy that takes. It is second chakra (reproductive/sexual) energy being directed by the third (power) chakra. Love is about giving, not taking. In tantra yoga, it becomes the highest expression of the forth chakra (love) joined to the sixth (consciousness) and elegantly expressed through the second chakra. Our books, DVDs, and courses teach the art of conscious loving.

Lust is easy for most men to express, yet love is what both their spirits and their women really crave. Lust will make you do things that seem like a good idea at the time. Afterward, not so much. Lust can get one into trouble, so many people and religious institutions fear lust. They threaten us with damnation in an effort to limit our sexual experience. They rarely experience the sacrament of sexual love in the bedroom with their beloved. Yet it is God that created sex; we have screwed it up because of a lack of education about how to be a great lover. We are 21st-century lovers held back from sexual love by 19th-century values.

The other thing is that these days there are a lot of people teaching things under the umbrella of tantra who have little understanding of the yoga (union) part of tantra. They can lead one down the path of lust, an endless path of desire that brings you closer neither to your partner, nor your Self, nor your god or goddess. Know your teacher and their work before you study with them.

Leah Alchin: Because so many people exploit tantra (all you have to do is Google the word and see sex ads), many people question the type of person who would be attracted to it. Their fear is walking into a room filled with sloppy, naked people wanting to have sex with multiple partners. They assume it must attract people with sex addiction issues.

What do I say to those with such fears or judgments? First, there’s no nudity in our classes—you take what you learn and practice it in the privacy of your own home. We provide a safe environment, showing you the edge, not pushing you over it. Second, tantra isn’t a religious dogma. It fits with any spiritual belief system you practice. Third, we attract healthy, mainstream people looking for that “something more to sex” that meets them on a deeper level. Tantra transforms lust into sexual love—a very important distinction.

CG to Charles: You’re the granddaddy of the tantra movement in the West and originator of Sacred Spot Massage.

CM: I started teaching tantra yoga to my hatha yoga students in 1980 as part of my school’s curriculum. It quickly became my primary yoga practice. When I started studying hatha yoga in NYC in 1965, there was no “Yoga” in the phone book. The closest listing in the Yellow Pages was “Dannon Yogurt.” When I made the transition to teaching only tantra, there was no other teacher in the U.S. doing it.

I am the originator of Sacred Spot Massage. It is not an ancient practice from India, but rather is derived from my study and use of a tantric practice called Nyasa (ritual charging and awakening of the chakras), energy, mudra, massage, and psychology. Thirty years later, it is a worldwide movement with over a million Google hits, and it is part of most tantra teachers’ courses. There are many who teach a watered-down version of the practice—people who have learned it second-hand. I have trained and certified about 120 teachers worldwide known as “Certified Tantra Educators,” a trademarked term.

CG to Leah: What attracted you at such a young age to this vocation?

LA: As I was coming of age, sex scared me. I was afraid of my own sexual energy, fearful that it was too big, that I would lose control, perhaps get pregnant, or be used instead of loved by men. My experiences shaped this fear until I fell in love for the first time. I had a deep intuition that there must be something more to sex. With a partner that adored me and loved the parts of my body that I loathed, I found an expression of the Divine that touched my core while being sexual. Sadly, that relationship ended—life was taking him places where he needed to go alone. I was devastated until I realized that his role in my life was to set the stage for my path and purpose: teaching tantra. It was through him that I read my first book on tantra and realized that all of these magical things I was experiencing with him were techniques he had read in Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving. My life changed, and I knew I could never settle for ordinary sex again. I wanted that sexual, spiritual, and love connection to permeate my whole life. I wanted to teach others how it could be done.

CG: I imagine people roll their eyes when they learn that your partner is 30 years older than you.

LA: Yes, it tends to be a button pusher for people… Love doesn’t carry an age; you are attracted to people who match your vitality. What’s difficult is that many couples have been wounded by a spouse cheating with a much younger person (or they know someone who has). This creates a misconception that I’m a home-wrecker and Charles is shallow. Nothing could be further from the truth. My experience is that it takes less than 24 hours for a student who is struggling with our age difference to see that I can be taken seriously and am more than eye candy.

CG to Leah: How were you attracted to Charles?

LA: First, the man is outrageously funny! He knows who he is and makes no apologies. I admire him; I love what he does in the world and the miracles he inspires in the love lives of thousands! I find him to be beautiful and powerful. And he loves me, very deeply. I’m so blessed.

CG to Charles: As mentioned, you won the lottery in many ways. As a 63-year-old is there anything intimidating about having a 32-year-old goddess as your partner?

CM: Sometimes I consider that she may not be able to keep up with me when I am 90 and she is 60, but she seems to be able to keep up with me now, so I don’t worry about it.

CG: What is the effect of age on a man’s ability to maintain an erection?

CM: I hear this from many of my male students. It’s funny that before there was a cure for the situation now named erectile dysfunction, few men in my classes even mentioned having a problem. Nowadays, they freely talk about it in our men’s classes. There are so many reasons for this problem, and only a few of them are medically caused. Body tension, emotional issues in any area of life, and a depleted sexual system caused by excessive ejaculation are the most frequent causes. I take a natural formula called “Wow for Men—A Tantric Aphrodisiac” twice a week, and along with the tantric energy recirculation techniques, it has pretty much eliminated the problem. Leah sometimes has a difficult time keeping up with me. We started selling it on the Internet, and it has become our biggest seller. Men order it over and over, because at less than $1.50 it works better than most pharmaceutical products and is also good for your overall health. It is a sexual tonic that revitalizes what tantra calls a tired chakra.

CG to Leah: It sounds like Charles has it going on.

LA: Indeed. This is a man who has dedicated himself to the healing of the collective feminine through consciousness and pleasure. Charles uses the love that comes from his hands, his eyes, his words, his wand, and his whole being to thoroughly worship me.

CG to Charles: What do you make of the whole Viagra trend?

CM: I tried each of these products, and they gave me headaches and an upset stomach, and made it difficult to orgasm multiple times. My female students often complain that their husbands have their “wood” back but still don’t know how to use it.

A woman needs more than an erection to be sexually satisfied. She craves emotional and energetic connection with her man. We teach men how to masterfully use their wand whether it is hard or soft. It becomes a massage tool to awaken the woman’s sleeping, limitless pleasure potential. It’s easy for most men to embrace the 1,001 modalities of movement that give both partners ecstatic pleasure and connection. For most men, the sexiest part is when his woman is feeling orgasmic pleasure. For most women it’s the connection and the feeling that the man is giving love to her, rather than taking her for his pleasure.

CG to Leah: How would you describe the difference between men and women, particularly when it comes to their respective arousal curves?

LA: Men tend to be more verbal, outward, and visual when it comes to sexual energy. Women tend to need more of an emotional connection with a partner in order to fully express the heights of our sexual energy. You have to touch our H (heart) spot before touching our  G spot.

CG: My sense is that women have the innate capacity to carry a deeper charge, so to speak. Do you sometimes prefer being with women?

LA: I believe both men and women carry a deep charge—it’s not gender specific. A man needs to know his heart is safe in order to fully open to a woman. A woman needs to know her body will be protected and cared for in order to fully open. We have keys for each other’s locks and the locks of each other’s keys, as Charles often puts it. My experience is there are gifts only women can give you and gifts only men can give you. I practice my sexual healing with both. I consider myself heterosexual.

CG to Charles: As guys we’re so conditioned both physically and culturally to ejaculate as an objective. But then—pop!—the party’s over.

CM: Orgasm and ejaculation are different things that in non-tantric sex happen within a second of each other. But one can easily learn to orgasm without losing one’s energy by ejaculating. This quickly leads to multiple orgasms, which every man is delighted to discover.

CG: Sounds like the Holy Grail of tantric rewards, but like many of our male readers, I am saying to myself, “Not in this lifetime.” Honestly, is the ability to learn how to have orgasm without ejaculating at our disposal?

CM: The Holy Grail is feeling deeply, emotionally loved to your core while pleasurable energy streams through you like electricity. You connect to yourself, your partner, and your God on ever-deepening levels. You are free, renewed, uplifted, and satisfied like few can imagine. It is your birthright as God created you. We forget that God created sex and it is men and women who have screwed it up. It is time for us all to know what the poets spend lifetimes trying to describe. Sexual loving is a subject that we can all get good at, and we must do so for ourselves, our partners, and the world. Of course you can learn this, and tantra is one of the most important things you will learn in your life.

CG: You are known for having originated the sacred spot massage ritual. How would you describe this for a woman?

CM: It is a meditation on your sexual chakra where you are a receiver, being given to for at an hour or two, deeply breathing while you are internally massaged on an area called yoni nadi (sacred space meridian), which is the gateway to the sexual psyche along with vast energy and pleasure. Your partner has learned nine massage strokes for this area that move blocked energy, tension, and emotions. They have learned energetic techniques called mudras, which integrate the released energy and align the lower chakras with the upper. Your partner has been trained to be there for you in whatever comes up, be it shadow or bliss. The tears are sweet and so too is the unbelievable pleasure. The release is deep, as is the connection with your partner. Awakening is sweet, and so too is freedom. The two become partners in sacred awakening, and it is fun and intimate.

CG to Leah: And for a man?

LA: For a man, his sacred spot ritual is an invitation to the ultimate beauty of his vulnerability. Men discover that pleasure has no limits. Stress for a man often gets pushed down energetically in order to survive the daily pressures of life. Sacred spot is a way to discharge this vitality-robbing energy in a safe and loving container. It increases his ability to delay and control his ejaculation while reeducating his body to be multi-orgasmic. It is a life-renewing practice that will have him enjoying sex well into his old age.

CG: Briefly, what benefit might one expect from attending a beginner’s tantric workshop?

LA: Nineteen or more transformational tantric practices, which include breathing, meditation, asanas, kissing and touch, lovemaking positions, and how to sexually heal yourself and others, including internal muscle exercises to quadruple the length of your orgasm (alone, worth the price of admission). Couples will renew the passion, intimacy, and love in their relationship. Singles will have their faith renewed in the opposite sex. Everyone gets a fresh new outlook on sexual love, one that our parents never had. For many, it’s miracle. For most, it’s sexual wholeness for the first time.

CG: Some couples take drugs into the bedroom to enhance their experience, notably cannabis; what’s your view?

LA: Aphrodisiacs and other mind-altering “sacraments” were used in ancient tantric rituals. Your intention is what is key. Yes, I believe there is a place for some mind-altering substances, but I never recommend that for a beginner or someone who is exploring tantra for sexual healing purposes. You never want to use a substance to escape reality. I warn the students before Saturday night “home play” not to drink more than one glass of wine.

CG: Is polyamory a trademark of the tantric path?

LA: That’s a good question. Many serious tantricas live an expanded lifestyle that includes loving more than one person sexually. However, 90 percent of our students are monogamous people looking to “pair bond” with one person. Jealousy is a big monster; it takes an incredible commitment to heal. For most, that’s a ton of work that can be prevented by staying committed to one relationship. We don’t preach or suggest polyamory to our students. We are happy to lend support to those on the polyamory path seeking guidance and understanding.

CG to Charles: I imagine learning tantra might be daunting, as so much is potentially unlocked, both physically and psychologically.

CM: About one in four hit emotional, physical, energetic, or psychological blocks. We train and prepare everyone. Our success with over 25,000 students speaks for itself.

CG: Have you been in out-of-control situations with imbalanced attendees?

CM: I have encountered the shadow side in numerous personal partners in the 32 years I’ve been doing this. Experience is how you learn and what allows you to teach others. Would you rather have a doctor right out of medical school deliver your firstborn or one who has delivered many, many of them?

CG to Leah: Are women more apt to embrace this kind of work?

LA: No, not necessarily. Many men bring their wives because they want a healthier and sexier love life. Many women bring their husbands because they want a deeper connection, yet feel something powerful is missing. Singles are looking for like-minded people that treat sex as sacred, not as something casual.

CG to Charles: What do you say about our puritanical heritage that tells us sex is sin?

CM: Most Americans are 21st-century lovers still conditioned and held back by 18th-century values. Surely, the God of Love would have you know a better way to love. Remember that tantra initially seems to be about sex, but it is really about love!

CG: Fortunately, there are some progressive media figures such as Sting and his partner Trudie Styler who talk about their tantric partnership. Is tantra trendy in Hollywood?

CM: I started teaching tantra to Hollywood personalities in 1989 and have taught quite a few. Almost all of them are quite private about it in their lives. Some have been up-front about it because it helped them so much: Woody Harrelson, Barbra Streisand, and the former stars of L.A. Law, Michael Tucker and Jill Eikenberry, are a few who have benefited from my instruction. Sting did a couple Oprah shows about tantra.

CG: Is your approach also equally accessible to homosexuals and transgendered people?

CM: Tantra is not about gender. It is about love.

CG to Leah: It’s great that you’re doing this work, as it seems many of the well-known tantra teachers are quite a bit older now. Do you have anything particular to say to our younger readers?

LA: Throughout your life, leave your lovers better than you found them. Embrace your body and be curious about being a masterful lover. Seek love in unexpected places and don’t be afraid to bring God into the bedroom. Don’t settle for mediocre lovemaking.

CG to Charles: You’ve come a quite a distance from the celibate path. Any looking back?

CM: Thank Goddess.

CG: Thanks to both of you. Charles, any particular message to Common Ground readers?

CM: Tantra is a practice and so is love. It’s worth learning what your parents didn’t know to teach you. Practice love whether you feel like it or not, for it will quickly change how you feel.

By Dawn & Pete Fox, Advanced Certified Tantra Educators ♥

In Tantric loving the heart energy center is of major importance. It helps us transform our spiritual-sexual experiences into more profound, intimate and ecstatic encounters. One key to this is the practice of Heart-Opening.

In Heart-Opening we consciously seek authentic connection with others, especially a beloved partner. We cultivate two main energetic movements of our hearts: one, an outward, giving movement, and the other, an inward, receiving movement.

In Outward Heart-Opening we choose to consistently reach out to others who matter to us. We practice honesty by being the same on the outside as we are on the inside. Our outer words, expressions and behaviors reflect transparently our inner attitudes, feelings and intentions. We let go of any protective urges to distance ourselves from loving others, to baffle them, or to pretend to be someone we’re not. Instead we just be us, and give others the chance to love us as we actually are.

In our spiritual-sexuality we practice outward Heart-Opening by giving our genuine selves to our partners, for the good and delight of our partners. In relationships of mutual trust, we touch and love with great presence, attention and groundedness. We seek closeness and connection, even at the risk of rejection. We simply give ourselves, warts and all, for our partner’s deepest nourishment, awakening, healing and joy. (We ask ourselves: Are we focused on our partner’s needs and wants, and dedicated to gifting them with what they seek? Can we stretch beyond our beliefs and wishes to

embrace theirs? Are we intending to embody Divine bliss in our loving touch?)

In Inward Heart-Opening we choose to let significant others have a deep impact on, and make a difference in, our lives. We consistently practice trust and surrender with those we love. Such surrender is not a giving up in defeat, but rather an opening up to personal and relational change. It does not destroy our world, but rather empowers us to expand beyond it. We let go of any urge to control others, and take responsibility for ourselves. We simply trust our loving partners as sacraments of the Divine to us, intended for our greatest nurturing, healing and blossoming.

In our spiritual-sexuality we practice inward Heart-Opening by first discerning our core experiences in lovemaking, and then conveying them to our partners. In discerning we drop into our center, beneath our protective shields and armor, and allow ourselves to feel without judgment. (We ask ourselves: Are we delighted? Does that hurt? Is there an almost overwhelming sense of serenity or joy? Is an inexplicable anger, sadness or fear bubbling up? Do we even know what we’re feeling?)

Then, in conveying our core experiences to our loving partners we practice expressing ourselves directly, manifesting our feelings exactly as they are. We avoid self-censoring and filtering out unthinkable thoughts and forbidden feelings. Instead, we laugh, we cry, we smile, we grimace, we moan, we howl, we move with rhythm, passion and willingness. And we share with our partners how much we welcome, enjoy and care for them. (Remember, when we give honest and compassionate feedback, we empower our partners to love us better than ever.)

Over time the mutual practice of Heart-Opening leads to fuller understanding, greater trust, deeper intimacy, moreconsciously ecstatic loving, and a personal and mutual blossoming withour partners. The upward spiral of reciprocal giving and receiving takes us to new levels of creativity, confidence, pleasure and connection. And, increasingly, we actually live the lives we have always dreamed of.

Pete and Dawn Fox reside in Houston Texas and offer classes and private sessions by appointment.  Visit them at www.tantricloving.com ~ info@tantricloving.com ~ 281-298-8211

With the divorce rate in the US currently between 40 – 50% and so many couples living  in a state of coexistence with a tremendous lack of sexual, playful, intimate, and/or spiritual connection, we can feel that the pressures of  being in a committed relationship is less than ideal. For many couples, there is so much pressure to keep house, raise children, make money, keep up with activities that involve friends, other family members, and self care, that the core relationship is what ends up suffering.  That relationship takes the back seat to all the other ‘more important’ obligations and responsibilities.  The couple who started out so attracted to one anther….so in touch with their common dreams and desires….and so in love….are now sharing in the ‘work’ of life, and missing out in the ‘pleasure’ of life together.

As Certified Tantric Educators, Gerard and I are contacted almost weekly by a couple who has ‘lost the juice’.  Sometimes it’s the man.  Sometimes it’s the woman.  Sometimes it’s both.  They seek answers to questions like:  “How can we bring the passion back into our lives”?  “Why doesn’t my wife want to have sex with me”?  “Where is the intimacy in our relationship”?  “How can my partner and I go deeper”?  “Why am I bored with just having sex”?

To answer these and other questions, we encourage a couple to explore Tantra and Sacred Sexuality.  We encourage them from a place of not only being Certified Tantric Educators, but from a place of being a couple for over 12 years who have all the challenges that most couples have.  We have 2 kids, 20 and 24, who we have been through raising together since they were 8 and 12, and who, though don’t live with us now, still depend on us for partial financial and continued emotional support.  We both work hard in our busy lives,  running a joint business  and our own businesses, have a mortgage and other financial obligations, needing time for ourselves, have some of the same and some different interests, and….probably the most challenging of all…..live together!  When I say that living together is the biggest challenge, I don’t mean that we don’t enjoy living together or that we don’t actually do that very well.  We do.  What I mean is that when a couple lives together, ALL their stuff is out ALL the time.  Emotional stuff.  Physical stuff. Quirky stuff. Sex stuff.  ALL of it!  The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly!  And, with all of that stuff on the surface, it is sometimes challenging to keep sight of the initial reasons for the coming together. Easy to take each other for granted.  Easy to allow the every day grind to become more important than the relationship.  And…easy to not feel the initial sexual charge that was there at the very beginning.

Because we are a couple who deeply honors our relationship by practicing what we preach, we love sharing with couples ways to bring more passion, intimacy, connection, love, and sexual fulfillment into their lives.  We encourage couples, through our private session work and workshops to set Tantric dates with each other, to give each other compliments and not take each other or the relationship for granted, to do special little things for each other, to  honor each other’s differences and similarities and find the joy in both, to spend time and energy creating surprises for each other to keep their love and lives fresh and vibrant, to add sacred sexual healing into their loving, to not focus on who is right or wrong, but to focus on the importance of their partnership, to take time away from each other when needed as to not build up resentment, and to communicate with respect and consideration, treating each other as they desire to be treated.

The couples that we work with learn so much from us, because we set an example of what is possible.  And, we learn so much from working with couples, because it reminds us of what the challenges are and what we have to keep committing to in our own relationship to keep it growing and deepening.  With learning in both directions, we feel that we are blessed to have the opportunity to share our love, not only with each other, but to inspire couples around us in knowing that we live with many of the same challenges in relationship that they do, but so enjoy and grow in our relationship by committing to the intention of practicing loving each other with open communication, incorporating Tantric dates, keeping a sense of humor, and staying present to our own as well as each other’s needs, growth, changes, and love. With some of these simple reminders, we realize that so much beauty and depth is possible in the realm of being a couple.

Do you feel that there may be more to love than you are experiencing? Are you ready to deepen your relationship together …to enjoy more pleasure and create more connection?  We offer this workshop as an opportunity for you to journey deeper into your relationship as a loving couple.  Share a weekend merging with your beloved.  Learn howTantric loving can greatly add to your relationship.  Discover new paths of loving each other in conscious, healing and playful ways!

Learn ways to:

~ Deepen the intimacy and connection your relationship
~ Love your partner with more intention of healing and enlivening
~ Awaken orgasmic pleasure in ways you’ve only dreamed about
~ Create a sexual relationship that honors your love and commitment
~ Banish boredom from the bedroom and enjoy each other in a renewed way
~ Learn ejaculatory choice…to increase sexual pleasure, health and vitality
~ Bring more love, passion and joy into your life!

You can learn Tantra from Dawn and Gerard in Colorado!  Sacred Sexuality and Conscious Loving for Couples; A Weekend Journey into Intimacy and Love.

Website: www.tantricsacredjourneys.com
Email: dawn@tantricsacredjourneys.com
Call: (720) 304-6449

1. Make love to your partner with your eyes, your touch, and your words.

2. Always ask yourself, “What more can I give?”

3. Listen and speak from your heart.

4. Tell your partner how much you appreciate him or her daily, and show it in the little things you do.

5. Be responsible for your own happiness.

6. Develop your spiritual center and your self-love and you will magnetically attract a loving partner.

7. Always be honest and speak your truth lovingly.

8. Be spontaneous, and occasionally outrageous!

9. Strive to be as successful in your intimate relationship as you are with the rest of your life.

10. Give the world your gifts, and support your partner in giving his or hers.

CLICK HERE for more juicy insights from Robert Wagner, Advance Certified Tantra Educator.

Local Charles Muir is a revered Tantric teacher. But can our intrepid reporter survive his illuminating weekend of prowess and spirituality?

Years ago, I began dating a young woman I was crazy about. I desperately wanted to prove my worth to her as a lover, but it wasn’t helping my cause that I was hopelessly wet behind the ears where lovemaking was concerned. So I figured I’d give myself a leg up by reading a book about Tantric sex, an ancient form of erotic yoga based in Eastern spirituality. During my third encounter of the close kind with my new companion, I decided to try out one of the practices I’d been reading about: a set of straightforward, easy-to-follow instructions for locating and stimulating the female pleasure nexus known as the G-spot. I was wholly unprepared for the results. This idiot-simple technique, which I’d spent all of 10 minutes studying up on, sent my partner slow-motion bliss-leaping through golden meadows of eternity. Afterward, as angels, stars and butterflies haloed her head, she told me with unmistakable sincerity that she’d just had the single greatest sensual crescendo of her life. “You should write a book!” she swooned, apparently under the very mistaken impression that I was some kind of high-level sexual sorcerer. I tried my best not to shatter that illusion, but inwardly, I was dumbfounded. It was like rubbing a magic lamp and finding out that it isn’t just a story—a genie really does appear.

Why, I wondered, weren’t the sex ed teachers of the world furnishing every human being on Earth with a map to the G-spot and a “Things to Do While You’re There” brochure? How could so many well-respected doctors and scientists straight-facedly claim that this very real erogenous province was no less a fiction than Narnia or Atlantis? Why were countless people suffering from sexual frustration and marital turbulence when they could be having cosmic ka-pows that would make them want to join hands with their neighbors and sing “We Are the World” in the streets?

I’m still asking those questions. To this day, this precious knowledge remains underground, like buried treasure being sheltered from coarse, clutching hands; an occult secret etched on a forgotten temple wall, waiting for gentle fingers to carefully rub away the dust that obscures it.

At 31, the cute, ebullient Alchin is less than half the age of Muir, who has just entered what he calls “the third year of my seventh decade on the planet.”

Though I didn’t know it at the time, the technique that had yielded such explosive results that night was called Sacred Spot Massage, a term coined by Boulder Creek’s Charles Muir. As the man almost single-handedly responsible for importing Tantric practices to the United States, Muir has been working for 30 years to bring skills like Sacred Spot Massage up from the underground and into the hands of the populace. (If you’re interested in learning the basics of Sacred Spot Massage, they’re described on page 70 of the hit 1989 book “Tantra – The Art of Conscious Loving,” which Muir co-wrote with his then-wife Caroline.)

Knowing firsthand how Sacred Spot Massage can turn a rookie into a Wizard of Ahs in minutes flat, I jumped at the chance to attend a Beginners Weekend Seminar in January that was presented at Boulder Creek Golf and Country Club by Source School of Tantra Yoga (sourcetantra.com; 338-7090), founded by Charles Muir in 1978. Muir would be leading this workshop with Leah Alchin, his lover of six years.

Hold on tight, my darling. I’m going in.

6:30 p.m. Friday, January 29

Inside the golf club’s conference and reception room, 34 people—relationship counselors, professors, psychiatrists, scientists—sit on blue back jack-style floor chairs adorned with lotus emblems. Colorful chakra diagrams and tapestries of Eastern deities hang on the walls and ceilings, and at the rear of the room are some tables loaded with Tantra supplies for sale: DVDs, books, tapestries, lubes, body oils, herbal hard-on pills, relationship runes and a crystal G-spot stimulator.

The group is comprised of eight couples and 14 singles, plus four CTE (Certified Tantra Educator) Assistants. The vast majority of participants are above 30, and many are significantly older. They’ve come from all over: California, Virginia, Texas, Florida, Finland. Most attendees express an interest in healing from past traumas, while some just want to be better lovers or to improve their relationships.

This idiot-simple technique, which I’d spent all of 10 minutes studying up on, sent my partner slow-motion bliss-leaping through golden meadows of eternity.

Though there is no nudity or explicit sexual activity in Source School’s seminars, students will be given optional “home play” assignments to be completed behind closed doors. In the interest of giving all attendees an opportunity to complete the assignments, the seminar has an equal number of male and female singles. Single people will pair up as study buddies in “Sadie Hawkins” style: Those women who choose to participate will ask the men to dance, so to speak. Under different circumstances, a single guy like me would be thrilled by the large number of beautiful women at this workshop, but as a journalist, I have every intention of remaining a passive observer this weekend. And Miley Cyrus invented calculus.

Any fears I’d had that this workshop was going to be overly New Age-y or phony-holy are demolished when Charles and Leah begin their presentation: They not only talk like real people, but are playful and funny. At 31, the cute, ebullient Alchin is less than half the age of Muir, who has just entered what he calls “the third year of my seventh decade on the planet.” If the tall, auburn-haired Muir’s surprisingly youthful appearance is any indication, perhaps there’s truth to all the claims about Tantra’s rejuvenative power.

As an example of repellent sexual behavior to avoid, Charles paws at Leah’s breasts, shouting “Tits!” He then caresses her “heart pillows” (Leah’s wording) in a more loving way, though no less enthusiastically. “You can be noble about it,” he tells the class.

“Oh, noble,” Leah teases. “I love that you’re being noble.”

Using a light-up wand to represent the lingam (penis) and a large vagina-shaped puppet to represent the yoni (yeah, you guessed it, ace: vagina), Muir and Alchin demonstrate some alternatives to the in-out motion of typical sex. Leah gives a live-action demonstration of some Tantric undulations, which, along with being informative, is pretty hot. I think I’m starting to see why a pre-seminar group email suggested that we wear “non-binding” pants to this workshop.

In an exercise designed to teach us various “modalities of touch” such as static touch, moving touch, squeezing and tapping, I trade arm massages with Aurelia, a beautiful, gold-maned goddess from Sausalito. (By the way, all people in this article are called by their true names. And O.J. Simpson is the Easter Bunny.)

I leave the seminar for the evening with an eight-mile smile. I think I’m gonna like it here.

10 a.m. Saturday, January 30

After getting no sleep whatsoever (nothing new for a born insomniac), I bomb my guts with caffeine and rejoin the group, wondering if tonight’s full moon will make for some Tantric wildness. And holy nectar of the Goddess, does it ever.

In the early part of the day, Charles leads us in some White Tantra (yoga postures, breathing techniques, visualization and chanting) and a tearful, heart-opening puja (worship ritual) in which the men and women give each other healings and show off for each other like birds doing mating dances. We also learn a simple breathing technique for extending the orgasm from the typical five seconds to 20. “Twenty seconds doesn’t sound like a lot more than five seconds, but it’s 20 seconds of timelessness,” Charles states.

There are, however, alternatives to coming. Charles and Leah tell the males that they can learn to “surf” their sexual energy: Rather than getting wiped out by a single wave, they ride the wave of orgasm, oftentimes not ejaculating at all. Tantra teaches men to redirect their orgasmic energy upward, thus conserving their vital essence and, in Charles’ words, “imprinting the sexual energy with visualizations, with affirmation.” Muir does not recommend that men never ejaculate, however. Rather, he advocates that they learn control over the ejaculatory reflex, thus enabling them to choose whether or not to do so. Eventually they will learn to have orgasms without ejaculating.

At lunchtime, I join a large group of singles at the downtown Boulder Creek Chinese restaurant The Red Pearl—a comically appropriate name for a place where a bunch of Tantra students are putting their mouths to good use. (I’m a little surprised not to see any paintings of little men in boats.) When we crack open our fortune cookies at the end of the meal, many of us find fortunes so eerily resonant with the material we’ve been learning that you’d almost suspect this restaurant of keeping special fortune cookies just for Source School of Tantra students. My personal favorite: “You can’t stop the wave, but you can surf it.”

The excitement mounts in the evening as we’re gearing up for tonight’s home play assignment, in which the men will be pleasuring the ladies with Sacred Spot Massage. While Leah talks with the women about how to receive, Charles leads the guys to his house up the road to teach us the skills that will transform each of us into Señor Amor himself. Once adequately armed with Sacred Spot knowledge, the men rejoin the women at the reception room. The couples are dismissed to put the day’s teachings into practice, and the singles are encouraged to stick around for the Sacred Spot Massage selection ritual.

As the nervous energy builds, Charles tells the men, “Guys, it would be perfectly normal to leave the room at this point—maybe have some dinner with a couple of our staff members, maybe go back to your room and try out the orgasm extension technique while pleasuring yourself. That would be the normal thing to do.” His delivery is deliberately flat. The subtext is clear: But normal kinda sucks.

After a short pause, he speaks again: “But normal kinda sucks.”

The man has a point. Like the rest of the men who choose to stay (most of us, if the truth be told), I sit closed-eyed and cross-legged with my hands in prayer-like Namaste position, breathing in the raw intensity of this ceremony. I am still and silent, but my blood is boiling. What if I’m not chosen? What if I am?

A soft, slender hand slips into mine. At Charles’ request, I remain motionless, trying to guess which of the dakinis (female Tantrikas) this might be. When the men are given permission to open their eyes, I find myself gazing upon the beaming face of Grace, an East Bay seminar veteran in her thirties. But there’s a double-take-weird twist here: Grace’s right hand is with me, but her left hand is with Antonio, an amiable, wisecracking 62-year-old Granite Bay businessman who was part of the singles lunch earlier in the day. This woman has chosen both of us. The word to describe this situation would be “novel.”

The overwhelming majority of participants have experienced unforgettably beautiful rhapsodies of rapture. Several couples shed tears of joy. Two women cry for different reasons, however: Their Sacred Spot Massages have triggered painful emotions.

Grace explains her plan, and suddenly I’m feeling ex-awesome: For time conservation purposes, she’d like the three of us to converge in one place rather than arranging two one-on-one visits. Antonio and I will be giving her Sacred Spot Massage in shifts, as it were. Yep, it’s official: I’ve lost my happy. The prospect of sexually stimulating someone I’ve just met is already pretty far outside my comfort zone, but when you add the fact that a dude who is roughly my parents’ age will be watching, I start feeling like this bus is headed out there where the dwarves in tutus chase after the masked ponies.

There’s a tennis-match hush as Antonio and I scan each other’s faces: What’s it gonna be? Antonio is the first to speak: Yeah, this is weird, but he’s in. Which means that if I bow out, then I, a thirtysomething rock musician/artist/oddball, will have been out-wilded by a man who gets two dollars off the Belgian Waffle Slam at Denny’s.

Screw it. Charles is right: Normal sucks.

After a surprisingly comfortable conversation over a meal at the Boulder Creek Brewery (“The way the veins stand out in your neck is really interesting,” Antonio tells Grace admiringly), the three of us repair to Antonio’s plush three-bedroom villa by the golf course. As Grace bathes, Antonio and I helplessly scan the bedroom for accoutrements to help turn the room into a temple worthy of a Goddess. Destiny isn’t on our side here: Because of time constraints and other limitations of this three-person setup, neither of us has had a chance to go to the store for room adornments such as rose petals or incense. Is there a handkerchief we could throw over the lamp to dim the light a little? Maybe a CD of some soft music? Finally admitting defeat, we stand near the doorway, absurdly making small talk about golf as we await the return of the woman we’re about to take turns pleasuring. The phrase “How did I get here?” doesn’t even come close.

We don’t need to go into detail about all of the evening’s activities. Some things are a little too explicit even for an article about G-spots and vagina puppets. Suffice to say that everyone present is respectful and cordial, and the experience of helping bring Grace to bliss is actually fairly moving—which is really saying something, considering that this three’s-a-crowd state of affairs has made for a scene so strange that my mind is going to need a chiropractic adjustment afterward. It’s impossible to imagine tomorrow’s festivities being anywhere near as memorable as this.

Then again, some things are beyond imagination.

10 a.m. Sunday, January 31

Sunday begins with a group tell-all of last night’s adventures. The overwhelming majority of participants have experienced unforgettably beautiful rhapsodies of rapture. Several couples shed tears of joy.

Two women cry for different reasons, however: Their Sacred Spot Massages have triggered painful emotions.

As Leah explains, “It’s the Sacred Spot that holds all the emotional qualities: Any trauma, any crisis, any bliss, all get stored in the cellular memories.”

In other news, Charles and Leah inform the group that this evening, the guys will be doing some receiving of their own: The women will not only treat them to some exotic wand-fondling, but also dare them to accept a finger in what one student calls “the Chocolate Chakra.”

Last night, a three-way involving another man, and now an experiment in guy-necology, I think to myself. Is Tantra trying to turn me gay? I have no problem with anyone, straight or gay, who feels otherwise, but I have to be honest: My own preference is for my backside to remain an Exit Only zone.

The morning class ends, and I shuffle off to have lunch with some singles, this time at Ironwood’s. (Man, why do all these Boulder Creek  restaurants have such Tantra-appropriate names?) Angelica, an attractive, middle-aged lawyer/attorney-mediator from Santa Cruz with whom I connected on Friday evening, stops me at the door. “Are you going to be around tonight for the closing ritual?” she asks.

“Sure.”

With a hint of a mischievous smile, she shoots back, “Just checkin’,” and disappears into the crowd.

The Mystery Spot

Leah’s gyrations on Friday night might have been spicy, but this evening, she and Charles raise the bar by demonstrating some elegant sexual positions. Technically, Alchin and Muir are sticking to their “no explicit sexual contact” rule, but let’s not kid ourselves here—these naughty kids are making love with their clothes on.

Like last night, Charles takes the men to his house. This time the roles are reversed: While Leah teaches the ladies the various secret handshakes they’ll be using to please the men in tonight’s home play assignment, Muir instructs the guys on how to receive. Part of this, of course, involves the intimidating Sacred Spot Massage for males. Charles asks us to try to open our minds (etc.) to this part of the ritual: Not only might untold pleasure be waiting for us in this forbidden zone, but because the male Sacred Spot holds a great deal of tension from survival anxiety and other such “first-chakra” issues, having it massaged can help the recipient become literally less “tight-assed” and thus more lighthearted.

CHAKRA CAN Some body points get you into the “zone”—spiritually and otherwise—more than others.

According to Muir, this practice also greatly minimizes risks of cancer and/or enlargement of the prostate. What’s more, by putting himself in a position of vulnerability, the man gains a far better understanding of what females go through during sex, their fears about rushing into intercourse, etc. Gotta admit, Charles talks a mean game.

When the men rejoin the women for the puja that will bring the seminar to a close, Angelica immediately asks if I’d like to be her ritual partner this evening. Looks like the excitement isn’t over yet.

The grand finale of the seminar commences. The men form a ring around an inner circle of women, and Charles informs us that we are now letting go of the past and stepping into our new lives of joy and contentment. One by one, the women in the inner circle pair off with the men.

Ember, a fiery-haired tigress from Sacramento, stands before me, her face an uncanny composite of feminine softness and kickass Amazon power. As Charles instructs the men to tell the women with their eyes how incredible they are, I lean toward her a little, making sure she can’t shrug off the message I’m about to send her, and broadcast, I’m not just going through the motions here. You. Are. F***ing. Amazing. A dam bursts behind her face. Tears pour from her eyes. The message has been received. My eyes, too, glaze with tears, mirroring hers.

Now I’m face-to-face with a blonde Russian bombshell named Valentina. For the first time, I become aware of something I’d apparently been too dazzled by this woman’s good looks to fully appreciate: She is stunningly, mind-blowingly beautiful. I tend to be mistrustful of ridiculously pretty women, expecting to find ugliness behind the mask of beauty, but this woman’s sleek gorgeousness reveals itself now as the physical manifestation of divinity itself.

Charles has the men and women sit facing one another, hand-in-hand, and lean toward each other until our partner’s eyes appear to be a single eye on his/her forehead. Marina, my partner for this exercise, morphs into a Cyclops before my eyes. The illusion is truly freaky. When Marina makes a tweaked face that perfectly expresses the weirdness of the effect, we both get a fatal case of “church laugh,” fighting with all our warriorhood to stifle our hysterics.

I stand face-to-face with goddess after goddess, seeing each one’s true beauty and strength as never before. Once the puja is complete, Charles and Leah invite us to sit on the floor and scooch in close. Laughter abounds as our hosts say their farewells.

“I understand there may be a story in Good Times,” Charles says.

“There will be,” I assure him and the crowd.

Several voices ring out:

“No names!”

The participants disperse to gather their things, make dates and exchange contact information. As I’m getting my stuff, Marina, who cried while I held her at yesterday’s puja, approaches me to explain the reason for her tears: This was the first time in three years that a man has deeply embraced her without wanting anything from her.

As I hug Grace goodbye, she suggests that I type my article with my right hand while drawing energy from a yoni with my left, the better to charge my writing with Tantric juju. As it began, the workshop ends with laughter.

Happy Ending

Driving away from the seminar, I have a gut feeling—no, a knowing—that my learning has just begun. Tantra has chosen me. Bliss and adventure have chosen me. After years of dabbling, I’m about to be initiated as an honest-to-Goddess Tantrika.

After stopping at my place to freshen up and drop a few things off, I give the dude in the mirror a quick once-over. “OK, let’s get going, Tantra Man,” I think to myself. I head to Angelica’s place, where we enjoy a lavish dinner. She then leads me up the stairs, where I bathe by candlelight as she prepares her room for our ritual. My body fills with the holy hum of erotic electricity. It knows something special is happening.

Angelica summons me to her bedroom, where a single candle burns. A bed covered with plush pillows is surrounded on all sides by treats for us to enjoy while we celebrate: fine wine, dried fruit, mineral water, cocoanut chocolate.

What follows is beautiful and sweet and unspeakably delightful and hilarious and sumptuous and sacred, and for the six and a half hours that this woman and I play together, we are in love. I call God’s name so many times, you’d think I was in some kind of sex church … which I am. “You are a GENIUS!” I cry out, as Angelica gives to me in ways that make life, with all its pain and difficulty, extremely worthwhile.

As for this business about the male Sacred Spot … well, if there’s any of that to be had—and I’m not saying there is—then I suppose this is what I’d have to say about it: It’s nowhere near as painful as I’d feared, and I can certainly see its therapeutic value, but it doesn’t feel any more sexual to me than a bowel movement … which, in case you were wondering, I do not find sexual.

Things start getting hot when Angelica and I are spooning to close the ritual, and it couldn’t be clearer that the Goddess is feeling frisky. My gratitude has put me in a very giving mood, so I make it known that I’m more than happy to return her gift, if she will so allow.

“We shouldn’t,” she says, not altogether convincingly. “Charles said if we’re tempted to do that, we should set a date for another time, because tonight’s ritual is all about helping you learn to receive without feeling that you have to give back.”

“I have found an escape clause!” I retort to the attorney with mock seriousness. I proceed to plead my case to the Cosmic Judge: What would please me most is to please this woman, so the best way for her to honor me is to let me honor her, Your Honor. Besides, it was Sunday when we started the ritual, and now it’s Monday, so technically this is a different date. As a matter of fact, it is now February 1, which means the Honoring of the God ritual was last month.

The logic checks out, at least to the dopamine-engulfed mind. A new Sacred Spot Massage rite begins, and in what can accurately be called no-time, Angelica is howling and writhing in a manner more commonly associated with exorcisms than with sex. Her wails are of such loudness and intensity that at times I honestly wonder if she is screaming in agony. But suffering this is not—it is ecstasy of a greater depth and duration than most people dream possible.

Blissed to high heaven, we collapse together in a pile of loose, oiled-up limbs and tangled hair. “The next time somebody makes a lawyer joke, I’m setting him straight,” I say, giving her neck a little kiss.

Smiling sweetly, Angelica runs her finger across some scratch marks she’s made on my back. “You know what I wrote on your back?” she asks, then giggles and rests her chin on my shoulder. “Tantra Man.”

Source School of Tantra Yoga will be holding a Beginner’s Weekend Seminar in Boulder Creek from March 26-28. For more information, go to sourcetantra.com or call 888-682-6872, ext. 102.

The Tools of tantra

TUNE IN WITH SPOONS: “You don’t have to wait for that magical moment when you are both in the mood,” says Charles.  Create the mood by getting in the spoon position, lying down, one holding the other from behind.  Be still and synchronize your breathing.  This puts you in tune with your partner.

HITTING THE SACRED SPOT:  The G-spot, named after Ernst Grafenburg, M.D., is in the upper wall of the vagina.  You can touch it through the vaginal wall, about halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix.  It’s a small lump that swells as it is stimulated.  You may feel like you have to urinate when the spot is first touched, but don’t stop.  It gets better and better.

TAKE TIME OUT:  Here’s a pause that expresses:  When you’re making love, stop moving for two minutes.  Synchronize your breathing.  Then hold your partner and look intently at each other.  Imagine you are sending your energy back and forth.  This exercise creates an even greater energy level and allows your lovemaking to be more emotional and less goal-oriented.

EXTEND THE ORGASM:  Here’s how to elongate the orgasm through breathing.  Halfway into the peak of your climax, inhale slowly.  Imagine you are sending your vibrant sexual energy to the brain.  The feeling of climax continues as you inhale.  Then, slowly release your breath, making as much sound as possible.  The volume of your sound influences the depth of your orgasm.

KEEPING ABREAST:  “The breasts need to be touched, without being just a prelude to sex,” believes Caroline.  Heat up some scented lotion in the microwave or in your hands.  Make gentle circles in the center of his chest.  Ask your partner to touch his own breasts.  Put your hands over his and learn how he wants to be touched.  Have him do the same for you.  Show him exactly how you love to be touched.

TOUCH UP YOUR TOUCH:  Take five minutes each day to consciously touch your partner.  Try to include these types of touch, varying the speed and intensity: nonmoving, stroking, circling, kneading, and gentle pinching, scratching, and tapping.  Bring love, nurturing, and compassion into your touch.

From “Tantra – The Art Of Conscious Loving” by Charles and Caroline Muir (Mercury House)

Full Embodiment is our divine birthright as evolving human beings. Learning how to fully inhabit your whole body, mind, spirit is a courageous and valuable journey.  Having gone through this process during decades of my own inquiry,  therapy, and practice has taught me the need for true sensitivity to this journey, especially for women. The benefits, like maximizing pleasure, feeling more alive, and experiencing life in the present instead of through filters of past traumas, are worth the walk through the shadows that can be the result of unhealthy sexual experiences.

Many of us have had traumas in our lives around the development of our healthy sexual selves.  When I began my journey toward wholeness, I approached it by way of deep psychological process, spiritual searching, and somatic or body healing.  In my professional life I became a massage therapist, a rolfer, a spiritual councilor and guide.  I did all this to help others, but it was also the way I was looking at the layers of my own wounding.  At some point, I stumbled into the world of Sexual Healing, through the door of Source School of Tantra Yoga and Charles Muir, and it instantly made sense to me that if my wounds were sexual, then healing directly through the sexual, when done in safe and supportive container, was what was left for me to do.  My whole being felt like I had arrived when I found this path.  I have devoted much of my life to this path now, because I saw the power and the magic that I could be part of.

My world exploded with potential once I began to directly be with this energy.  When healing from any trauma, in the beginning, things feel safer when processed at a pace that is personal to you, perhaps with a specialized therapist. At a certain point though, when your ‘story’ has finally been told enough, and that safety finally dwells within, we can start to take steps toward integration with this full potential.

One of my favorite offerings in my Tantric Teaching Practice is to create this safe space for women to tell their story and heal into wholeness.  Because I have personal and professional experience with trauma healing, I feel I have a special gift for holding safe space for this transformation.  While working privately with women, we go on a ‘guided tour of their Yoni’, the sacred space of a woman’s sexual center.  I highly recommend attending Tantra retreats with myself and other colleagues, working with a small group of women to make a sacred ritual of holding this space with other women.  Having a guide is a profound experience as we let ourselves really feel, in present time, what messages are there to be shared.

I encourage each sister to really breathe into your dreams and wishes for your sexual life.  It is our right, and joy, to reclaim  our sexual, spiritual, emotional and physical health.  There is a great deal of healing in the ‘sisterhood’, and it benefits all men and women.

My greatest wish is that I can facilitate and share this healing and joy that comes with the freedom that shows up when we heal ourselves into sexual wholeness.

So ….WHAT’S IN YOUR WAY OF YOUR INTIMATE, LOVING NATURE???

Open, vulnerable, loving and intimate is our natural state.  Now is the best time to  remove the obstacles to this beautiful way of being!  

Judith Shivani Davis has been involved in the healing arts since 1976. She is certified by Charles Muir and the Source School of Tantra Yoga as an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator and has trained in the Divine Feminine Mystery School with Caroline Muir, and Joan and Tomas Heartfield.  She is on staff with Source School of Tantra Yoga as the Director of the 10 Day Mastery and CTE courses, as well as assistant instructor in all 10-day trainings.

Judith maintains a private practice on Maui, with visits to Colorado and California as requested, using Massage, Rolfing, Intimacy Skill Building and Sexual Healing.  Judith is Founder of The Center for Awakened Loving, which provides personal Tantric coaching and seminars for couples singles, and groups.  Contact Judith at 888-6-TANTRA ext. 103, juidth@sourcetantra.com.

Betta Van Der Kolk is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator with Source School of Tantra Yoga.  She is the local co-coordinator for the Boston Branch of Source School of Tantra Yoga.  Betta is an accomplished psycho therapist specializing in Trauma.  She can be reacheded at 888-6-TANTRA ext. 108, betta@sourcetantra.com.